How To Make An Asp Out Of Yourself

Three years ago I participated in a Bad Poetry Day contest put on by ChicagoNow an online Chicago community of bloggers. The object was to create a poem using at least one word from four lists of ten words each. Some of the resulting poems were hilarious!

The list of words were:
List 1: trite, hot (also acceptable: hawt), delicious, fierce, scruffy, windy, arboreal, giant, sticky, excitedly

List 2: Chicago, Dickinson, Wednesday, HP sauce, Winnetka, Spock, Melvin, iPhone, Twitter, Dr. McGillicuddy

List 3: snake, toothpaste, big-ass monitor, toupee, gerbil, table, Academy Award for Best Animated Feature, cookie, rowboat, coffee

List 4: insinuate, skip, tweet, deactivate, fluttering, leap, bites, sleeping, run, thinking

And this is what I came up with:

It was a trite, hot, windy Chicago day, I on my iPhone, he on his computer staring at Twitter on his big-ass monitor.

When much to my surprise a scruffy snake insinuated its way ’round the table leg.

My heart went skip as my giant gerbil jumped down from his arboreal perch and came fluttering to my defense.

Offering the snake two bites from his cookie which the snake excitedly ate and slithered happily away.

Shaken to my core, and he totally absorbed in a tweet, I gave him my best Academy Award for Best Animated feature,

And with a leap dumped my coffee on his stupid toupee, thinking, a Dr. McGillicuddy would sure hit the spot right now.

I think I’ll try to find another Bad Poetry contest!

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3 thoughts on “How To Make An Asp Out Of Yourself

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